12-08-03

I will be back.

I've got some great news. Nicole (a friend of mine who wirks for the police) ands her friend Paulus (who is a social worker at the police) came over to talk with us tonight. They are prepared to help us out in any way they can. Ruben gave his parents the contact information of Paulus and their reaction was the best one until now - they said It's ok, we will need all the help we can get. And I sincerely hope that this means they will call him soon to arrange an appointment. We'll see though, and I pray this will be the beginning of the solution.
Tomorrow we wil go to some friends of my family (Mieke andTom) to ask them any juridical advice They have got a lot of contacts in the juridical world. It'll be ectremely good to have some kind of juridical advice. Nicole and Paulus said that I will win in the end - that it's only a matter of patience.
I have hurted Ruben's parents by writing this journal, ok, I do realise that the truth hurts and surely when you see it black on white. But I will never apologize for writing my opinion on the internet, in public. I am sorry to have hurt her, but I'm not sorry for writing it down. I am sorry for the way she acted, insulted me and made me feel - bad enough to have written it down. Though, I need an apologize of her because she gosspped around and blackguarded me, that is the cause of what I did. I also expect an apology of Thomas, because he offended me (while never having the guts to tell it in my face) and Ruben so badly and making us feel like we are hated by everybody. Not that I really expect it. This is my word of sorry I put online, so Ruben's parents can read it.
Today we have had another real hard day. We have never wanted this. We even didn't have the energy to make it to the doctor. I am ashamed to tell you the way Ruben and me acted. Nothing like you could imagine. This afternoon we couldn't handle it no longe, Ruben said our relationship was history and I went screaming like cray and then I fell on the ground, on the stones before the door. Even some neighbours came to look if things were ok. I feel better now, but I have little energy left and heaps of emotions to handle
Ruben's mum went to the doctor to explain the whole situation - without us knowing it. She is going to try to convince the doctor Ruben is depressed because of me, I think. Now, the doctor expects us tomorrow, first he wants to talk to Ruben and then to the both of us. The doctor has to be silent towards Ruben's mum about whatever we tell the doctor, so I guess it might be a good thing. First, we are going to pass by Mieke and Tom's.
Such a tragic story this is
Yesterday Ruben was forced to go and talk with a teachr of him, Mia, his mum wanted her to convince him to leave me. But she told him what she thought - she also read my blog.- she told him that I was an excellent writer and that he never should give up on me if I make him happy. She even offered information on wheelchair dancing. Ruben's mum even told him that I am a good writer. I think I'll publish all of the volumes of my journal right before die, it'll be a bestseller - and when I'm dead they can sue my ashes for publishing it.
I have decided to buhy a Belgian domain name, to put my journal and everythhing online. I'm going to make it legal by entering a script that replaces all of the names by pseudonames. We're both working on a hell of a site. I am going to put all legal issues around online journalling on that site too. All your ideas on texts, legal issues, lay-out etcetera are welcome. Do not worry, Didi will be back (even if it is the last thing she does)!
Thank you again for the heaps of supporting mails again today.

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