Lying bound and broken on the floor.

Ok, now the not so hysterical me. I won't defend the way I feel, but I'll write my feelings down very honoustly. It is absolutely not that I don't want or accept Ruben to go to Norway and to Spain. But he's dating me and me happens to be an incredible difficult person, who lives via her feelings. So, when she gets hysterical, she turns the world upside down and either you care or you don't. And he happens to care. I care about him too, but that doesn't mean I'm going to hold back my feelings. I'd rather die than not to have feelings - good and bad ones. This is not subjective, but when it's Sunday evening the worse part for him will end and for me it will begin. I know how much he loves me, but that just desn't change my feelings about being without him. And I need to be with him a lot, maybe in the next phase of my life I won't need to be with him so much, who knows, who caresn I'm talking about here and now. I don't have the courage to live on like this for much longer, I mean, make me see why I should live an unfair life, or why I should die. I can't see it on my own.

00:39 Gepost door 0 | Permalink | Commentaren (2) |  Facebook |


thx this is a post to let all of my readers know that i don't say anything behind Ruben's back, i send my postd to his hatel every day (by e-mail) so i'm true to him
a diary or journal is meant to write your feelungs down, whatever they are, how irrational they might even be
and i am proud to say that there aren't many people who'd dare to be so honoust on the internet as me
in use this blog to express myself because i need that, and getting response on my posts, positive or negative, makes me feel appreciated
this is a form of therapy which helps me a lot to be true me, it makes me feel a bit worthy in my lifelong depression
and then i ,want to thank steffest for making a script to adapt the lay-out of my comments, thank you :)

Gepost door: didi | 23-07-03

everyone carries a cross you know, everyone carries a cross, sometimes the dimensions tend to get bigger, but the shape stays the same, an awfull bloody cross.
As the week passes by, you will notice it will actually start to shrink.
greetz, dinkum

Gepost door: dinkum oil | 23-07-03

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