Better off.

I guess I could have chosen a better moment to feel this miserable, maybe when he is away, then I have every reason to feel miserable.  If it were about choosing off course.
But I've decided that Ruben can come, because I'm used to feeling this miserable anyway.  I just can't, unlike Ruben, stop letting our recent problems get to me.  They are always on my mind.  Sometimes I feel like this that if my mind was mixed, it wouldn't make any difference to my stat of mind afterwards.
It would feel so liberating to me if I could just run into death with my arms open wide.  Everything is a burden and every little thing bothers me.
I feel like being a burden to myself.  I am so boring, so annoying.  I wouldn't like to be with myself today.  I want to do scream therapy, screaming till I drop, that just sound wonderful now.  But instead of screaming I'm writing this down, very ssilently, while the ice-cream car is playing that irritating song.  I'd like a quiet and passive day...

15:43 Gepost door 0 | Permalink | Commentaren (3) |  Facebook |


like me you sound like I used too !!

I realized a few months ago , that I've gone back to the cheerful fase !!

Somewhere out there is a ray of sunshine ...you'll walk through it again !!

Gepost door: or | 11-07-03

please stop complaining, it's irritating! can't you see the good side of life just sometimes? sorry for being so hard to you, but I had a "I-hate-myself-and-I-want-to-die"-period mysel when I was 16 and I realized after it I had been pathetic. take your life in hands, you don't have to care about what others are thinking... well, you know what I mean hum... keep strong!

Gepost door: m@ry | 12-07-03

! my diary, i write whatever i feel like, your choice to read or not to read, oh and i've been suicidal all my life
grtz :-)

Gepost door: didi | 12-07-03

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