I simply can't breathe at my so-called home.

Why do I have a mum who enjoys hurting me?  I do hate the way she does to me.  I'd rather have her admitting I'm blasphemous than hear her babling the stupidest things.  I'm ten times more angry with her than I can show right now.  I'm trying to stay somewhat calm, I'm trembling of forcing myself to stay calm.  I can't help being so angry, I feel so powerless, I just know that she feels so strong and powerful.  Staying for another few months in this damned family would literally kill me, I would end up killing myself and this time it would be for real.  I want fo live, but only with Ruben at my side, if he'd leave me, I'd absolutely have no left faith in life anymore.  Feelings don't lie, no matter the age and we both know that this could be the real thing.  But staying at home is absolutely no option, I hate living with a family, with me as an outsider.  I don't find it worth to waste my writing to such a person.  Yes, I have a lot against her, but I don't even think it's worth to tell her what I think, also because she only thinks she's right and also because she doesn't ever listen to me.
Tuesday I'm going to the doctor with Ruben and then to my mutuality.  I have to write some stuff down that I shouldn't forget asking the doctor.

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Mag ik hier even Guns n' Roses citeren? Patience... just a little patience...

Doe niks waar ge achteraf spijt van krijgt... Eens je op eigen vleugels door het leven vliegt, wordt alles veel beter. Trust me on that one!

Gepost door: Maarten | 22-06-03

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