19-06-03

Talking silent.

I have a bursting headache, not migraine.  It really was quite an evening that Ruben and me spent together.  Wait, I'm going to drink some coke first, maybe that helps...  My head still hurts, but anyway, he just sent two sms-es but I'm not replying, I wouldn't know what to reply and replying I love you seems too cliché to me now.  But, I'll wake him up again at 6 AM.
We lay next to eachother on my bed - I find lying a comfortable position, especially when having a close talk.  About the holiday period nothing changed, I still don't want him to go, especially because I believe him when he says that he doesn't want to go himself either.
We lay there on my bed for a long time without saying anything.  I thought a lot, and the most stupid thing kept coming to my mind: I'm too ugly for him.  I have a lot of complexes about myself, that many that I wouldn't be surprised if that would draw me to suicide sometime.  But I'd think that's a silly reason myself.  I'd rather kill myself for some more justified reason.
We talked about making appointments and about looking to eachother's appointments and stuff.  Try to follow me for a moment: during the day I have Mica and my journal.  I can't write all the time in my journal, well, I do write a lot.  And I can't cuddle Mica all day, I mean, a cat has its own way.  But he, in contrary, has everything to do during the day, I don't claim there never is a moment when he dreams away, but he hasn't got the time that his thinking will get to him because he is far too busy with other things. I don't blame him.  I only want one thing: him.  He wants a lot, apart from me, he wants a life.  He's got loads of friends, loads of things to try out and a mass of paths to go...  I don't, I only need and want him.
Heidi today read a story in the newspaper, it was about a missing girl.  That girl and her boyfriend lived in an institution for the under aged.  It seems that that girl and boy had escaped and lived hidden with the boy's mum.  But the legal service found out about it and now they've been forbidden to see eachother before they're 18 years old.  But the young lovers promised to wait for eachother.  Isn't that pure love or what?
Today, I was sent the bill for my wheelchair brakes, a good €242.  Pff, well, those things are becoming far too commercial...
This afternoon I cried, when I was watching an emotional part of my favourite soap Neighbours.  It felt good, my cry.

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Neighbours! Ik kijk ook naar Neighbours! Dat was zo triestig. Ik zat ook bijna te wenen :-S

Gepost door: AleZ | 19-06-03

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