15-06-03

But nothing impressed me at all, I never expected it to...

"I don't give a damn if you don't like me, cause I don't like you, cause you're not like me." (Bloodhound gang)  But it does express how I feel a lot.  So I actually don't care what people think or say about me, only few people who know me will understand why I do or don't do certain things, and as the others is concerned, they'll only say that I'm rude and stuff.  But well, whoever doesn't try to understand me, is not worth for me to know and for them to know me.
Sometimes I feel like saying very much very important stuff, but sometimes something - I don't know what - makes me shut up for long, very long moments.  And I can't force myself to say anything, cause I think I'd just start crying.  I do need to be alone sometimes,  you can compare it with the air we need to breathe.
Where would I be without Ruben.  There is no solution for love, but to love more.  If it wasn't for him, I would be some ghost or I would at least just lead my miserable, dumb life. Or maybe some psychiatric institution would be taking care of me and then I wouldn't have to be responsible for my own life, they would be responsible for it.  This also would be the result if he left me.
I state that his mum will keep on pushing us and that we will have a difficcult month in July.  I made schemes for Ruben, not to get credit from her, but anyway doesn't that prove that I want him to study?  Though this all sounds quite absurd.  I don't even know if, certainly how it is like now, well, if I still want to have a threesome-chat.

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